I had dreams, big dreams, small dreams, lazy, silly,
outrageous, vicious, aspirational, and vocal & all sorts of dreams. And
then with dreams comes the fantasy, the imagination, the likings, the future
thoughts! Endless, but inspiring!
But with every dream comes the cost of paying for it. And
the cost is always of course more hurting when its non-monetary. With this you realize that probably dreaming
wasn’t as fun and inspiring as you started. And then begin the compromises with
your dreams.
Being youngest in the family, I always wondered, whether I
should follow or should I be wandering on my own, navigating through the thick
and thins! But I think I followed…though tried to navigate through in that
following a bit! I was never a performer. Rather preferred to be quiet and
prove myself. I was compared, every step with everyone around! Beauty,
smartness, intelligence, words, speaking, sports, art…every field and I was
pulled into it! And to my dismay, I never excelled in any of it. Always
remained a mediocre.. an average scorer! I kept on trying to reach that level
of expectations and every time someone would set the bar higher than I intended
to reach. And that difference remained constant. Life went on..studies,
graduation, all went the same!
In the years of my PG, things started changing. My life took
a turn! I gained new confidence with days passing by. Everyone started
recognizing me and liking. Irrespective of my imperfection, they realized and
valued my abilities. My strength to communicate, to explain, to understand were
recognized. I was given responsibilities and was trusted upon! It felt wonderful
to even fall and rise in these situations, because I was myself for the first
time in my life. I had started dreaming again, about myself and about my
dreams. I had friends who loved me, colleagues who supported me and teachers
and outsiders who chose me!
I entered the corporate world. Slogged myself, built myself,
changed companies, took challenges, fell hard and failed miserably! But still
rose out of it. And then again came an opportunity which realized my true self.
Authority, responsibility, challenge, respect, trust! Wonderful world @ KPIT
Cummins Infosystems Ltd! It feels like yesterday when we did work till late
night hours, enjoyed eating the burger and riding back home in our boss’ car!
Loved the stress also.
But as they say, things last till they are new! And so was
it. I am left with no place to go now. It irritates me to see people around me
they are least bothered about my irritation! The identity I built for myself
all these years, and struggle I made for myself, is now in vain! My effort to
be recognized and liked for who I was and I am, is nowhere to be seen! And so
goes with the ‘dream of pursuing dreams’. like everyone else I am once again
lost in the crowd of neverland! Without any identity, without any respect and
without any value!
But I won’t let this come into the way of pursuing my
dreams, to dream big and live those! I shall stand firmly once again and show
you that I am not person who has to bend all the time to those who never ever
wanted to rise in their life!
